Listing and Listening For Change

Wow…all I can say is WOW!  I’ve been away for a little while, and as my last post stated I’ve been recovering from surgery.  BUT…I am back, and without sounding, I don’t know, conceited…I’m WAY BETTER!  Physically, I’m back on my game..working out again with a lot of yoga and long walks on the beach!  Mentally, however….well, that’s another story!  My writing mind has been on a bit of a binge, so please forgive my lack of staying on one subject for very long, at least for a few posts!

So, this dark and twisty mind of mine is going a lot of places, but today it wants to focus on listening to our life lists.  Why?  Well, because when you spend weeks on a couch/in bed and you’re drugged out of your mind (as I recently was),  you tend to go to some pretty wicked places in your mind.  I find that my thoughts never rest…and I mean that literally!  It’s a curse of sorts, at least for me it is.  I have recently found myself making lists…grocery lists, lists of goals for the day, week, month, year, and the ultimate bucket list!  I think everyone should have one.  I’ve heard a lot of people say that bucket lists are a negative thing to take on.  They think that it’s like putting an “end of life” stamp on them (which, by the way, I think is absolutely WRONG!).  I think it’s a way to actually start a goal (whether that be groceries or bucket lists!).  Sometimes we just need a starting point and actually writing something down gives us that “ready, set, go(al) for whatever it is we have in mind.

Personally, I’m into writing in journals.  Pretty much, every single day for the past 10 years, I have written in a journal.  I write about my day, I say prayers, I put down my goals and aspirations….all the usual things that people who write in journals do.  But in my recent down time I’ve taken the opportunity to go back through all of these journals (which, by the way, come in an array of styles and colors!).  I immediately noticed a central theme to every single one of them…all of the things that I WANT out of life.  And then I realized that I haven’t reached very many of those goals and had to really start asking myself the age old question..WHY?  Why haven’t I done even the simplest of things that I had ask of myself.  The unfortunate part to all of this is that I didn’t have an answer.  Not a satisfying one anyway.  I had a lot of excuses…husband had cancer (at 34), I had cancer, family members had issues, jobs changed…and the excuses go on.

I am now on a quest.  Actually, I’m on many QUESTS!  I have a lot of soul searching to do to find out which of these things were just “I would like to” and which of them were “I WANT to”.   I’ve discovered there’s a big difference in the two, but I’ve also discovered that in these ten years I have changed!  Yep, hard to believe for most people and even more difficult to admit, but I have most definitely changed!   Therefore, it was a no brainer for me to say that I need to re-evaluate all of “lists” I’ve made and make one BIG list!  But I also had to make a deal with myself that the list could indeed CHANGE!  I mean geeze, didn’t I just admit that I have changed (and quite a bit, might I add).  So I’m coming to grips with the fact that my plans can change..it’s okay to change.  It’s okay to listen to ourselves and most of all our hearts to find the changes that we need to make.  I’ve always had the motto “I am who I am…love me or hate me…I ain’t changing for nobody!” (please keep in mind, grammar-wise anyway, I am originally a girl from the South…).   And it wasn’t until recently that I realized I needed to change that motto.  Things change, people change, life changes, we change….I’ve changed!

So, as I end this newest post, this newest journey I’m taking on to share with the world (and hoping that there are people out there that are like me!), I vow for this blog to be my new journal…good, bad, ugly…Letters2TheDead….and the living, as we all take on change!

Thanks for reading!

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About letters2thedead

An aspiring writer/actress, former Nurse and Teacher, full of dry comedic humor and love for humanity. This is my test...

Posted on September 16, 2011, in acting, addiction, blog, blogging, breath, breathing, bucket list, change, choices, death, dreaming, dreams, entertainment, failure, fear, God, humor, life, love, medicine, mistakes, possibilities, questions, quests, relationships, soul, Uncategorized, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. cool post! I relate to almost everything you said, especially about going over past journals and seeing how much of what you’ve listed still has yet to be finished. I am an avid journaler myself and lately I’ve felt like I make lists just to ignore them. Change is so exciting, embarking on a new path and seeing where it takes you. I also love that you’re calling your journey a quest as well. Something so grand and fantastical about a quest!

  2. Thank you!! You are so right..it does make it a bit mystical and adds some fantasy to it! I love that!! Thank you so much for reading and for your comment!!!

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