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Do you ever feel like you just can’t breathe? I mean that overwhelming feeling of neurotransmitter overload and you just can’t take a deep breath? I’ve recently been (unfortunately) privy to one of these moments…actually many of them, but that’s beside the point, the point is that it happened. It happened and I didn’t like it, at all. All of this renewing and finding my voice has put me in sensory overload and honestly, I’ve questioned it like I’ve never questioned anything in my life before. I think I may be afraid of what I might find.

Fear, it can stop us in our tracks. It can cause all hope to be lost and it can cause great suffering at our own hands, but the interesting thing about fear is that we have a choice with it. I know, I know, many have written on the subject of fear, it’s consequences and how to overcome it…but haven’t you wondered if any of these people, who seem obviously stable, wealthy and comfortable have really ever faced a fear like you’ve faced. It comes in all forms, fear, it rears its ugly head in the most troubling of times and it can, in fact, manifest itself in a physical manner. Now, when I talk about a physical manner, I’m not talking about screaming because someone said BOO! I’m talking about the kind of fear that takes your breath away. The kind of fear that makes you feel that your very life is in danger (and I say that because without breath….well, there is no life). I’m no expert on fear or how to prevent or deal with it, but I am experienced in it. I’ve had my fair share of fears, but making a life change, a REAL CHANGE and sticking to it, that has surpassed many of the fears that I’ve ever had, and that includes my fear of flying, which is one of my biggest fears! There’s something about change that brings out the fear in all of us. Sometimes it passes, it does, but sometimes it doesn’t and when fear sticks around for very long…it’s a deal breaker for most of us. For most of us (normal humans) it sends us running for the hills, running to something familiar, whether that familiar is good or bad for us. Familiarity calms fear, but if you think about it, it doesn’t help for long if there’s a true change that needs to be made. Examples I can think of are: addictions, though they are bad (and by the way, addiction doesn’t just relate to the term drugs), they are familiar and comfortable and the thought of being without them, whatever they may be, can send us into sensory overload. Relationships, boy, that’s a bit of a big one for most people. Do I dare to take that chance with being in another relationship after being so badly hurt in the last? Do I look at what I want in a person or what I’ve been familiar with in the past, which ultimately leads to self-destruction!

I will close today’s “rant” on being able to breathe with another quote from my favorite writer of wit and life Shonda Rhymes, “Sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibilities under tomorrow’s rug…until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.” So, I am taking this t.v. writer’s advice on life and I’m going to do my best to keep breathing. I will keep breathing and stop sweeping. I will make more mistakes on my journey, of course I will, but I will never stop trying….trying like hell to keep breathing.

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